Captain C

The Oilers are set to name their new Captain/Post-game Defeat Apologist tomorrow afternoon.

Jason Smith was just named Philly's new captain and goes from following in the footsteps of Mark Messier, Doug Weight, Kevin Lowe and (snicker) Shayne Corson to following in the footsteps of Peter Forsberg, Keith Primeau, Rick Tocchet and Bobby Clarke.
They made the right choice. He's a natural leader and seems to have that "guy in charge" vibe down pat. He's like Andy Travis on WKRP. A grassroots, blue collar, no-nonsense leader.

Who should be the Oilers' captain?
Let's go through the options:

ETHAN MOREAU
Tough despite a very not-tough first name.
Injures himself in a fight with one swing; misses 75 games. That's tough.
Gets his brother (Chad and Ethan - sounds like two Yale grads on a yacht) to come in and make other players tougher by making them work out and learn Ultimate Fighting.
Tends to be the best player on the ice when the rest of the team plays worse. This year he will likely play better quite a bit.
Bad part of naming him captain: He's not on the ice as often as other forwards or defencemen. And he may hit a teammate like Moose (reportedly) did.
Odds of getting the C. 70%

STEVE STAIOS
Has been a forward (for a few moments) and a defender. Sees both sides equally.
Is involved in charities and seems to be genuinely interested in being a community-minded hockey player. With Smytty, Gator and Georges Laraque (all mainstays of Oilers charity and personal appearance work) gone, someone has to care about us lowly real people and not just how much to pay the nanny and dentist.
Was a captain. But that was in Atlanta.
Has a website.
Odds of putting the C back into Macedonia - 20%

JARRET STOLL
Touted to be a future captain since he learned to skate in Yorkton.
Wore the GOOD KIND OF C for the Kootenay Ice and a World Junior team.
Almost wore the BAD KIND OF C despite being drafted by Calgary. He refused to sign, showing taste and judgment - definite leadership qualities.
In last year of contract; making him Captain would not only help sway him to sign a deal but could also raise the price.
Still too young.
Odds of Captaincy: 4%

SHAWN HORCOFF
Is the NHLPA rep. His loyalty is to the Union. Can't make your Union Guy Captain. His heart may be Oil, but he is conspiring against The Man behind closed doors.
Is on the ice quite often. Powerplay, possible first line shifts, penalty kill.
Odds: 3%

ALES HEMSKY
Most talented player.
That's about the only reason to consider Ales. Maybe an "A" could happen.
The C may stand for Czech but not Captain - 1%

ALBERT DWAYNE ROLOSON
He's a veteran, a leader and is almost always on the ice. Yells and winges to refs anyway.
But Rule 6.1 of the Rulebook states "no playing Coach or playing Manager or goalkeeper shall be permitted to act as Captain or Alternate Captain."
NOTE: Stop calling them ASSISTANT CAPTAINS. They are ALTERNATE CAPTAINS.
That's what the "A" stands for - except in the case of Steve Downie, Todd Bertuzzi or Sean Avery where it could be interpreted to mean another A word should they ever wear one.
Odds: 0% - Stupid Rulebook

Sheldon Souray gets 1% of the remaining 2%.
The rest of the team (except for that Dick Tarnstrom) share the remaining 1%.

We'll find out tomorrow.
I want Chopper to be Captain.
C for Chopper.