HIATUS OVER!!!

To all fifteen regular readers of IN THE BOX - THE BLOG.

Our self-imposed hiatus from the blog is over. The Stanley Cup now has DUCK ready to be etched on it - better than MIGHTY DUCK - and the next season is ready to start.
Frankly, since the last half-hearted blog entry in early April there wasn't enough Oiler-related news to go into without bitterness or kicking of dead horses.
The end of the regular season couldn't end quickly enough and I'm pretty excited about this summer.

Let it begin. Trade at least one of the three first-round draft picks, dump some baggage, add some new faces, surprise us a little with a blockbuster trade and we can move on.

On to June 22nd.

It's official. Smytty traded to Islanders

I saw it on my PS2.
And some guy (14-year old kid maybe?) scored on my Oilers twice with Ryan Smyth in Islanders gear and beat me 8-2 online.
It's real.

Until a day or so ago, I could still see Ryan Smyth in Oiler colours (I guess he still is - considering the colour scheme in Long Island) while playing online PS2 EA Sports Hockey.
I could pretend the trade was not made and see Smytty score a goal or two with his Oilers. The online version of the game has a set roster that can't be changed or updated so you're stuck with EA Sports' best guess as to rosters and lines as of the beginning of the year and the game launch.

Well, at long last, EA Sports has updated NHL rosters for nerds such as myself who play online hockey late at night. My excuse: kids are in bed, wife's at work. I can't be anywhere else. Might as well get my ass kicked online a few times.

Up until the rosters were updated, Ryan and MAB were still Oilers.
But Dick Tarnstrom was still around. So was Rem Murray.

A few interesting notes with the updated Oiler roster:
- Petr Sykora is on the fourth line. He is now wearing #71. At the beginning of the year he was wearing Jari Kurri's retired #17. It didn't look or feel right.
- Denis Grebeshkov is on the first d-pairing with Jason Smith. He is also really fast and has a great shot.
- Raffi Torres is on the default first scoring line with Horcoff and Hemsky.
- Robert Nilsson is on the team. He's fast, has a decent shot and gets his ass knocked to the ice really easily.
- Laddy Smid and Norway's own Patrick Thoresen aren't on the team. I heard that EA Sports can't add players until they are officially NHLPA members by playing an NHL game. Neither player had yet seen NHL ice when NHL 07 was unveiled.
- Brad Winchester is on the roster when you download it, but didn't make the cut for the default online starting roster. Even in the virtual world, the pixellated Craig MacT still scratches the fake Winchester.
- Tjarnqvist is wearing #33 which has been worn in the past by Jiri Dopita and Marty McSorley (twice).
- Grebeshkov is wearing Kevin Lowe's #4. No other Oiler player has ever worn that number.
-I still suck but I can't stop playing. I'd probably win more if I used Nashville or Colorado like everyone else (they're that good in the virtual EA world) but, hey, I'm an Oilers fan.

"I Don't Wanna Play in Edmonton"

This whole "(Lauren) Pronger wanted out of Edmonton, no one wants to play in Edmonton" debate is getting pretty tiresome.
This city, more than most, has the biggest insecurity complex I've seen. We've got one major sports franchise that had some remarkable and amazing years and anyone who grew up in this city knows that most people around the world over 30 connects the city of Edmonton with the dynasty Oilers.
It gives us a common hook to hang our civic pride on.
People in Edmonton that I grew up with had this weird love/hate thing with our city.
Most of them would rather live in Detroit or Spokane (probably because early cable TV brought those cities closer to home than they should be) or wanted to be Torontonians or Vancouverites.
But we could always brag about our hockey team when we wanted to justify to the big-shot urbanites from the rest of the country why we didn't get off our asses and leave.
The city has far more loyalty and pride now luckily. People in this city seem to have a newfound pride in the city they were born in or grew up in. Probably because most of the "lucky" hometowners who shot off to Hogtown/Montreal/Vancouver/even Calgary for better jobs, more glitz, etc. found the life too expensive and came back.
We don't really have a hockey team to brag about anymore. At least not this year. We got a taste of the 80s arrogance last year and we all wanted it back for good.

Anyway, why do Edmontonians get so bent out of shape when a Pronger/Peca/Spacek/other asks to leave/signs a contract with another team?
So an NHL player doesn't share our love for this city and wants out or doesn't want in? Big deal.
Not every player will. Most of the other NHL cities seem like a lot more fun, don't they (Nashville, Columbus, Minneapolis aside)?

Then this little ESPN survey comes out and only one player picks Edmonton as the team he'd rather get traded to and other perceived slags are included in the same survey.
Big deal.

An NHL player will play for the team that offers him the most money or the best contract (ie. usually the most money). They really don't care what city they are in.

Ryan Smyth did not want a "hometown discount." Fair enough. Unfortunately for Edmonton and unlike every NHL team in the United States save Detroit, Minnesota and Boston (and the New York teams to a smaller extent) this city actually has players in the NHL that call Edmonton a hometown. A smaller contract in Nashville is chosen because it was the best contract available or for reasons other than the total at the bottom (length of contract, bonuses) but I don't think any contract offered to a player in Nashville will ever be laughed off or considered a hometown-discounted contract. They don't make hockey players in Nashville. Or Florida. Or California. Or Colorado. Or Dallas. Or Atlanta. You get the picture.

The bad news?
Today's post-CBA NHL is going to be more like the NFL insofar as player movement will be found in free agent contract signings over trades. The younger target ages for full free agency and the subtleties of working under caps or budget caps will see NHL GMs using free agency pickups more and more often and trades will happen just that much less.
A traded player has to play for you (barring the odd player who sits out or demands an immediate trade). A signed player has to choose to play for you.
That means that wooing players will be of a new importance. GMs, team presidents, team alumni and current players will all be partners in making your team more attractive than the team down the road. Offering more money will help too.

Edmonton has crappy travel needs, tough opponents, unpleasant winters, high expectations from fans and an old-boy's-club mentality in the office that could be tough to crack through.
Edmonton also has passionate fans who care, community support and one of hockey's truly great legacies.

Here's my list of the type of player who would likely not play in Edmonton, assuming he had a choice and an equivalent offer from another team was on the table; in other words, money will not be the issue. I'm using nothing more than blanket statements, assumptions and stereotypes.

-Young guys who grew up in small town Canada. As far as Edmonton goes, been there - done that. I want to see LA. Hell, even Florida would be great.

-Guys who want to win. Today's average NHL player hitting some level of free agency is usually around 28 or 29 years old. That means he was born in the late 70s or early 80s. The dynasty Oiler teams were a memory before this crop of players hit puberty. When I grew up, I heard that the Leafs were really good once but I never really saw it. We know how great our Oilers were; kids today have to read about it. This new generation grew up seeing Dallas, Colorado, Detroit, New Jersey and a few other teams succeed over and over again. Hockey players are competitive. They want to be part of a winning team as much as fans want to cheer for one.

-Guys who want to play, go home and not be noticed, cheered or jeered. This city ranks with Montreal and Toronto as one of the league's pressure cookers for NHL players. Even the casual fan knows what you look like and if you won last Tuesday. In most of the American rinks, the football players, baseball players, actors, newscasters, basketball players, college athletes, senators, weathermen and local downtown crazies are more well-known than the NHL players.
Not everyone wants to be recognized in the pisser. Most hockey players tend to be shy and humble and approach the job with some work ethic. They don't like the spotlight, don't interview very well and love the game more than the glitz. Ironically enough, those that do love the attention want it on a bigger stage than Edmonton would provide anyway. I imagine Jeremy Roenick would much rather be recognized the A-list in LA than everyone in greater Edmonchuck.

So what kind of player would happily sign (and stay) in Edmonton?

-Guys who love hockey as much as we do. Ryan Smyth was one of those. If he didn't get signed to a pro contract back in 94, he'd be a season ticket holding, beer swilling, late night rec hockey playing, face painting hockey dad rig pig just like the kind you see in the stands. He's gone now.

-Euros. Janne Niinimaa loved Edmonton. Petr Sykora loves Edmonton. Hemsky says he loves Edmonton. To a guy from across the pond (usually from Finland, Sweden, Russia) the weather in Edmonton ain't that bad and the money is just as good no matter what city the cheque is cashed in. And they're in the NHL and in North America. I went to Europe once in my life. I wanted to go and didn't care what city I was in as long as I could see another part of the world. A kid from Pardubice signs in Edmonton but he is in North America and rich. He gets to see California. He gets to travel to Florida and New York. He's busy enough during the season that leisure time is sparing anyway and they travel for at least half of the year. During off-season, he can go anywhere he wants.

-Family guys. I'm nearly a two-year member of the New Dad club. And I got an earlier start with a stepson. Instant family. Nightclubs, nightlife, glamour and other matter little compared to knowing that I'm in a nice, safe neighbourhood, the schools are decent and the future looks great. This is still a great place to raise a family, stabbings aside. Steve Staios and Ethan Moreau and Fernando Pisani all preach the gospel of the value of living in this city with their families. I suspect Ryan Smyth will live here this summer too. (Someone should see if a "for sale" sign has hit or hits the front lawn, especially after July 1st.) Find those classy veteran players and get them to see the attractiveness of signing in Edmonton and finding roots.

Where the hell was I?
Oh yeah. Every team in the league loses players.
Stop taking it so damn seriously just because some millionaire punk would rather play somewhere else.
Love your city and don't look to others to validate your choice of a hometown.

Raised On Oil

Since the day-to-day news on the Oilers hasn't been that much fun lately, I've taken some time to reflect on what it means to be an Oiler fan and even what it means to be a hockey fan in general.
This will be a first part of a few recollections. Better to retreat into memory than sit through this.

Growing up in Edmonton it really is part of the landscape to cheer on the Oilers. My parents were also sports fans and active in sports (Dad played baseball - my mother played sports growing up and was even a baseball umpire for awhile) but not sports "fanatics". Hell, they even met for the first time at a work curling bonspiel - how much more Western Canadian can you get?
We had Grey Cup parties and would watch the odd game on TV and most playoff games.
Back then, you could see a few games on TV on HNIC or a handful of games on ITV or whatever local carrier would carry the games.

Anyway.....
I liked hockey (played for about half a year, had a bad leg and had to quit) and cheered the Oilers. I remember Gretz's 50th goal in 39 games and wishing I joined the throngs downtown during the 80's dynasty Cup wins. I remember where I was when I heard on the radio that Gretzky was sold/traded (back shop of the warehouse I worked at on the west end) and got to break the story to the salesmen out front. I liked Linseman, Tikkanen and Grant Fuhr the best (two shit disturbers and a goalie from Spruce Grove - my hometown) and I think I had an Oilers shirt or two. I saw only about half a dozen games live in the 80s and was awed by the speed of the game and the crowds.
As fans go, I was about a five out of ten. A casual observer and impressed by what was obviously the best show on ice right here in our little town.

Then I went to college (Broadcasting - it seemed like fun) in Lethbridge in 1990. Suddenly, as one of few Northern Albertan/Edmontonian/Oiler fans in a hotbed of Flames fans, I had to re-discover the home team.
Because of my competitive nature, the casual observer became the die-hard Oilers fan. I had to keep up. Most of the guys in class were sports nerds and wanted to be the next Darren Dutchyshen (or whatever knucklehead Calgary had in his place). Because of competitiveness, I went from quietly listening to the stats and info fly across the bar tables to studying hard, subscribing to Hockey News and getting to the point that I could not only keep up with the banter, but lead it. Screw you, sports nerds.
The 1991 playoff series between Edmonton and Calgary was probably the best playoff series that I can recall. It should have been the Stanley Cup Final, not the first round of the playoffs. It had some of the hardest hitting, best scoring and highest intensity of hockey that I remember.
The series went to Game Seven and Overtime.
In a basement in Lethbridge surrounded by the dirty Flames die-hard fans it was hard to suppress my joy when Tikk scored in OT.
Then, shortly after, hardcore Flames fan Neil Fraser (we were at his folks' place) turned up with his autographed Esa Tikkanen hockey stick and threw it at my feet. He said he'd rather I had it as he couldn't keep it in his home without wanting to burn it. And he couldn't burn any piece of hockey memorabilia without feeling guilty.

Then I went home. About a half hour after I retired to bed, the phone rang. Neil called. He said he felt guilty. Not about giving me the autographed stick, but about egging and soaping my car.
It was getting cold and he offered to help clean my rusty old Celica off as he was worried about the eggs and soap freezing to the car overnight.
Good times.

Latest In The Box

Just working on watching the game here at home.

Kevin Quinn summed up the Oiler situation quite accurately while describing the play.

"Young and Greene on the blueline for the Oilers."
That about sums it up.

Here's the newest "In The Box".

ME!

Can't talk about the Oilers right now.
Gonna talk about ME.

Nice to have a really, really common name.
But I'm not on "the list" yet. What do I have to do? Be a wrestler or a mad bomber or a bishop?

Nope. I imagine I probably won't be Wikipedia material. Oh well.

I Say It's My Birthday.

In my life I've seen all five Oiler Stanley Cups and I've seen the Eskimos miss the playoffs twice. This year and the year that I was Zero.
Happy 36th birthday to me.

I'm not dead yet.....

Brad Isbister played his third game of the season tonight. He even got a goal a few days ago.

Bill Masterton trophy candidate, no?
No.

Dirty Agents. No Wonder Tom Cruise Played One....

I will try to avoid taking the easy way out and pointing the finger too squarely in a direction that I'm not entirely sure it should be pointed, but the more I think over this Lowe/Smyth deal, the more I look at Don Meehan and wonder if Ryan Smyth, the person, is really a priority for the super-agent.

Anyone who saw how torn up Smytty was at the airport yesterday knows that they saw a player truly sad to be leaving the town and team he loved.
Anyone who has seen Ryan Smyth conduct interviews or do public appearances over the years also knows he's a shitty actor.
There were real teardrops and he left a pretty classy list of people to thank on the way out.
Smytty was careful not to leave anyone out and capped his list of thank-yous with Joey Moss - THE REAL heart and soul of the Oilers - especially now.

"There is no crying in the white zone." Apparently not.

Those were not the tears of someone who feels he stood up for himself in negotiations and made a point by not agreeing to a deal. While Ryan Smyth is the client and uber-agent Don Meehan the employee, I'm sure that Meehan (who counselled Mike Peca to sit out a year of hockey once upon a time) was trusted to do the best for Smyth.

Did he? We'll see. We are just a year and a half or so into a brand new CBA and the first big batch of post-CBA contracts are going to be signed this summer. Rumours were out there that fellow NHLPA brethren were also a third party in this showcase deal urging Smyth not to settle too low. Another hometown discount for a 30-goal scorer, All-Star, Olympian and class act would be disastrous for the bevy of free agents also shilling for big contracts come July.
How many of those FA's are also Meehan players? I'll have to dig that one up. Anyone?

Smyth's contract would have been one of the contracts that other players, other agents and Don Meehan himself would use to set the bar for July's offer sheets. And arbitrators will also see that deal. Do you think that there wasn't some pressure from both the PA and other Meehan clients to avoid lowering the bar?

It seems that Meehan was looking to July as the time to really cash in and felt that negotiating with just Kevin Lowe wouldn't be good enough. The open market will likely help Meehan make Smytty more money. And it will help Meehan make even more money for the rest of his stable.

Come July, we'll see if Meehan's decision (on behalf of his client, I'm sure) to refuse Kevin Lowe's generous-but-not-outrageous offer pays off for Ryan Smyth. He could cash in come July. Hopefully the team that gains Ryan Smyth appreciates what they get.
Some so-called hockey markets out there may not have the city-wide appreciation for a guy who grew up cheering for the same team that the fans love. Charities in that city will find a great contributor as well. I hope they appreciate that too.

Then again, he may be back here once again. I wonder if a few months away will find Smytty revitalized or cynical?

Creepy-looking, isn't it?

I still never thought I would see Smytty in any uniform other than the Oilers uniform or one with a Maple Leaf on it. At least the colour scheme is close enough not to burn the eyes.

A Maple Leaf surrounded by Red, not Blue.

Candor

Found a link to this article on the HF Board. Found it a refreshing insight into the goings-on of an NHL GM.
Part of the reason I've always found trade deadline time fascinating is trying to imagine the strategies and the conversations that go on between these 30 guys who are all trying to build, rebuild, reboot or fix their teams.

Brian Burke's trade diary is a refreshing peek into some deals that got done and some that stalled on the line.

I especially enjoyed "talk to Florida assistant GM Randy Sexton about Todd Bertuzzi, and he tells me "the guy we like is Perry." I offer him profanity. If you are offended by profanity, it's difficult to make a trade in the NHL."
Funny guy, Burke.

It was odd to see how forthcoming he was on discussing names of current players on his team that he either defended from being traded or considered letting go.

Quite a neat bit.
I'd be curious to know from readers if they've seen a more in-depth "anatomy of a trade" article that has ever been done where an NHL GM has gone through the steps involved in pulling the trigger on a deal and everything from the scouting to the brainstorming to how the idea is presented to other GMs.

And so it goes.....

One period into Ryan Smyth's first game of his post-Oiler career, he has already assisted on a Mike Sillinger goal for the Islanders.

Odd how Ryan Smyth, one of the few players to stay on the team that drafted him for 12 seasons, teams up with Mike Sillinger, who has played for 12 different teams in his career for his non-Oiler NHL point.

The Islanders traded for a player who was almost considered "an Oiler for life" (until this season) and kept perennial trade-day headline Sillinger.

Could this be any tougher right now?

...Now what?
I like Kevin Lowe. I've been impressed with how well he has handled retiring from hockey, learning how to run a team and then taking the reins of what is likely the toughest team to steer in the NHL. That's just behind the pressure cookers of Montreal and Toronto, I'm sure.
He has made some great deals (getting Pronger last year) and had some challenges (Pronger asking to leave with the ink still drying on a six-year deal). He had to manage a small-market team that simply couldn't afford to keep any great players.
This year is another challenge as the new CBA and salary cap system is now into its second full year and deals are becoming harder to make.

Right now, Lowe's team has put him in a tough spot: They're still a small stretch away from grabbing one last playoff spot and not out of it by any means. But they are still a distance away. Making the playoffs will require effort, luck and timing.
So, decision and deals made right now will either increase the team's odds of seeing post-season play or scuttle it. Toughie.

Pick an option:
1- Make a couple deals. It is trade deadline time after all and as far as I can see, it's the most exciting time to be a GM. And Lowe has usually been a player at deadline time. I can't imagine he will do little or nothing. He's a competitor. Deadline day is a big day for GMs to show their stuff and make a difference. I can't picture Lowe just sitting on his hands and not getting the same hands dirty.
He can dump some salaries (Sykora, Markkanen) to make room for contract negotiations (free agents in July and Smytty) and maybe make a couple deals to change the dressing room. On every team, there are always leaders, followers and troublemakers. We don't know where every Oiler player fits, but the coaches do. This is also a time to shape the dressing room and address any personnel-ity issues.

2- Gut the team. Dead weight is out. Prospects and picks are in. Hope that the remaining core of the team has enough tools to continue with the momentum built in the last few days and a playoff run is still in the cards.

3- Do nothing. Hope that Smytty can be resigned - maybe he knows it will already - and work with what the team already has. Make the deals after the season is done and find other GMs, under less pressure, will give more up. Sign some free agents.

The fact that the team will be about 10 points out at worst or as close as three points out by Tuesday changes everything. Then, right after deadline day, the Oilers face Minnesota and Calgary at home. Those games will be even more important than this road trip has been.

So, we know Lowe's options. What would Dave do? Here's my plan. Obviously I don't have 29 other GMs on the phone or Don Meehan so a lot of assumptions are being made.

1- Ryan Smyth situation. Sign a deal. The only way you could call a Ryan Smyth deal an overpayment would be if no other GM would do it. If Edmonton has to pay Smytty $5.5 million a season because other teams are willing to do the same, take it. If the rest of the league considers Smyth worth that much, it's not like the Oilers will be stuck with that contract. He can be traded later on if it seems too heavy a commitment. A signed Ryan Smyth (especially with a long-ish term contract) has more trade value than a Ryan Smyth without a contract.

2- Trade Jussi. I suggest Montreal or Tampa - two teams who are in or near the playoffs and need a decent backup goalie. Get a third round pick and a middling prospect. Then bring up one of the young goalies and let them play a few games in the playoff run. This experience will pay off later on.

3- Trade Sykora. This frees up money for the Smytty Kitty and will likely net a decent return. I'm guessing that Dallas, Detroit or even Jersey or Carolina may bite, although New Jersey are up to their nads in cap spend already and would have to unload salary to fit anyone in. Carolina just added Anson Carter and Jim Rutherford has proven that loading up before playoffs has paid off for him. Get a young player in return. Someone cheaper and someone to build with.

4- Trade Winchester. Because he obviously isn't playing. Get a fourth/fifth round pick and/or another equivalent player that Lowe and MacT don't hate. A lateral move at best.

With the exception of the Sykora deal, none of these decisions would do too much to distinguish the Oilers as either outright buyers or sellers. There really is no reason that the Oilers couldn't go on a competitive run without Sykora or Markkanen. The play of Pouliot, Thoresen and Reasoner especially (the rookies and character players) has shown that energy and determination will not be missing. Even Smid is showing new fire and determination.

These deals should not slow the little flash of progress we've seen on this road trip, yet will help set things up for the off-season and next year.


Oh. And once 1:01 PM has come around on Tuesday, go sneak off with Moose and crack open a few beers before the game.

Another Week...Another In The Box

Read up.

Bergeron = Err(or) Be Gon(e)

The trades are starting to heat up.
Maligned scapegoat du jour Marc-Andre Bergeron, an undrafted free agent, has been traded to the Islanders for Russian reverse-defector Denis Grebeshkov.
I wonder if Garth Snow had much to do with it or if he just rubber-stamped the deal and went back to sleep in the GM's comfy chair? I haven't been following that shitshow of an NHL office since that crazy-ass move on a crazy-ass team (retiring a goalie and naming him GM).

Grebeshkov is currently playing with two-time Oiler Igor Ulanov, Oiler-for-a-millisecond Alexei Mikhnov and another player who appeared twice with Edmonton - Brett Hauer - in Yaroslavl Lokomotiv. He chose to play there rather than bounce up and down in the minors with the Islanders.Will he appear with the Oilers this year? With the Russian transfer system so goofy, we'll have to wait and see. We should know soon.

Grebeshkov was drafted in the 2002 cattle call 18th overall with the LA Kings' first pick. This was the same draft that the Oilers drafted Jarret Stoll and Matt Greene. The Oilers actually picked Jesse Niinimaki two picks ahead of LA's choice of Grebeshkov with the 16th pick.
The 2002 draft was also the year that Anaheim selected Joffrey Lupul.
Grebeshkov was the 18th pick and the 6th defenceman picked that year, behind blueliners like Jay Bouwmeester and Joni Pitkanen (both coveted by Oilers fans and possibly already courted unsuccessfully by Kevin Lowe - might as well head further down the list).

The Russian should be an improvement on Bergeron - at some point. He is 22 and is said to have great puck skills and some aggression.

So...that's the facts. My opinion? I'm sure everyone is waiting for this. You never get opinions in the Oilogosphere, do you.

I'll miss Bergeron's shot. You know, the one that worked. The shot he takes from just outside the faceoff circle. That one seemed to be struck from the right distance to allow the puck to rise to a height just under the crossbar. If he shot from the point, the puck was usually too high if it made it to the net or a defender or blocking forward would be lucky enough to catch it on a shin before it would make it to the net at all.

I'll miss the fact that a guy who was overlooked in his draft year managed to distinguish himself enough to be considered a real NHL player. I love the underdog.

I'll miss having a speedy player on the team. The Oilers are just a little slower as a team right now. Toby Petersen is now the de facto speedster.

The Oilers also gave up a bargain basement player. His low-ish salary, combined with the fact that he is capable of scoring made him useful. The depth chart, unfortunately, required the team to overuse Bergeron and more ice time just unmasked his faults. When he started with the team, he provided some energy, some speed, a decent shot and one really kick-ass open ice hit on Brenden Morrow. Bergy also will require all those minutes replaced by someone. I imagine Mathieu Roy will fill in on the roster, but who will be on the powerplay? More Petersen?

I will not miss his passes to no one or his passes to the opponents or the fact that he had speed to spare but wouldn't use it when it was needed. Didn't seem to have the judgment to come with the speed.

This trade seems like it could be the first step in Kevin Lowe's series of deals Version 2007. Lowe is reported to be meeting with Don Meehan today and then flying to Naples, Florida for a round of GM meetings.
I imagine that deals have been brewing for awhile and the GMs are waiting to see who moves first. The big deal between Nashville and Philly for Peter (Foppa) Forsberg may have cracked the dam a bit. In between golf games and Everglades tours, I'm sure a lot of kicked tires could result in deals down in FLA.

We'll see what happens next. The Ryan Smyth contract is probably holding up other decisions. The Oilers losing two of three road games so far is probably forcing some decisions.


NOTE: While researching Grebeshkov's numbers in Yaroslavl, I noticed that Mikhnov has three goals in four games so far.


NOTE 2: 8 of 51 respondents to our poll (who will be the first Oiler traded?) selected Bergeron. Time for a new one....

Newest Issue of In The Box

Enjoy.

Nothing to do with hockey...

a

But pretty damn hilarious. Thanks to mi amigo TB for pointing this out.

Unless, of course, this is really Glen Wesley with sunglasses.

ANOTHER WEEK....ANOTHER COLUMN

Enjoy this week's latest issue of Vue Weekly, featuring everyone's favourite Oiler column found in an entertainment paper - In The Box.
A little bit of excuses for some maligned Oilers are featured this week.
As well, an interesting stat about the Oilers and Canucks that I think none of the "big guys" found.
Next week, maybe TB and I will temper the apologies with some tough criticism.

Later.

Two-Headed Monster Slays Oil

Crap. After a pretty good first period, those dirty Swedes owned us. Daniel netted 3 goals and 2 assists, while Henrik got 4 helpers. And Torres. Sweet Christ, what the hell was he thinking? Twice? Although I would have been OK with his shenanigans if he at least beat the living shit out of Cooke. Wow, that guy is gutless. But effective.

Here's some basic stats to depress you:

Assuming 93 points is a bare minimum to get to the playoffs, the Oilers need to accumulate 37 points in 28 games. That means winning better than 2 out of every 3 games.

So, who you pulling for when the playoffs come??

"You know, when Young gets back from injury, I'm sure he'll help the club. I think. He hasn't played in a while, though."

Team: While I'd prefer to be an Oiler due to Being-Born-And-Raised-In-Edmonton-Itis, it would have to be a team desperate enough to need me, poor enough not to be able to sign someone better and good enough not to get an early draft pick.
Uniform number: 71 or 77. Used to like wearing #7 until Jason Arnott tarnished the number.
Position: Usually in an agitator role. Kind of Tikkanen speaking English, "The Rat" but better looking or Buchberger but more erudite.
Nickname: Who's that? Game Day Decision. Write-In. Emergency Call-Up. Not him. Dave Young (knee) Dave Young (upper body injury) Dave Young (concussion)
Dream linemates: Someone good enough to pass the puck off my ass into the net, a la Gretzky/Semenko. Gretzky is retired so that won't happen. Someone tough enough to finish the fights I start.
Rounding out the PP: Someone fast enough to catch the players that strip the puck from me. Someone smart enough to notice players streaking past me and check them.
Job: Opening the door on the bench when needed. Or not opening the door when needed. Making the really emotional players (Torres, Hemsky types) mad at me and start playing with emotion. Above all, basically finding a way to get on the team and then doing all I can to avoid actually playing and getting found out, thus ending a brilliant career.
Signature move: Tying up opponents at our blueline hoping for an offside call. Signing charity autograph items for the star players for beer money (signature move, ha ha ha). A limp. Subtle enough to suggest that a return is coming soon. Strong enough to keep me off the ice.
Strengths: Fierce determination, funny comments to opponents hoping to throw them off, learning to do fake Russian, Czech, Swede accents hoping to anger Euros. Having such a lopsided shot that goalies have no friggin' idea where or how the puck will come off the stick, thereby fooling them. Getting into fights I have no hope of winning to fire up teammates (and also keep me off the ice - the less time on the ice means the more time on the team - don't want to be exposed too quickly).
Weaknesses: Not actually believing it when the coach lets me hit the ice ("You're kidding Coach!).
Injury problems: Not staying injured long enough or seeming too injured and being written off. Perhaps a disease of some kind can "happen" so if and when I have to play again, it will be with huge fanfare and low expectations.
Equipment: Determined ferocity. Cane.
Nemesis: Anyone who thinks "talent" or "skill" or "ability" make them better. Trainers and doctors who know what they are doing.
Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Whoever else is in the press box. "Cory Cross?! You're still here?"
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Beg the team brass to let me get my name on it too. Then pay off selected media hacks to do the same.
Would the media love me or hate me?: I'd be iconic - and usually available in the press box faking a limp and carrying an (completely unecessary) cane or something. (You know, to stay on the roster but off the ice.) Keeping my name out there (doing every interview, going to every team function or photo-op, being the NHLPA rep) will make fans and team brass assume I should be there just through constant visibility and repetition - I'll create my own mythology. Like Tie Domi did.

Alright. Tag received. Now I'm handing off to Art Vandelay and Sideshow Raheem of OSHL Hockey.